9 Things You Can Do To Get Ready For Ski Season Right Now

Ski season is nearly here, kind of. Although you might not actually click into your skis for another 60 to 90 days, it’s important to begin preparing yourself for what could be Your Best Ski Season Ever. Here’s a checklist:

1. Share a social media post about the first snow
It snowed on the west side of the Eisenhower Tunnel last week. If you live within 2,500 miles of the Eisenhower Tunnel and you ski, this is news. I mean, yeah, it’s at 11,000 feet, and you may live nowhere near it, but it’s snowing. In the United States.

2. Get your skis out of the garage and look at them
Run your hand over them, check them for scratches and dings. Maybe whisper some sweet nothings to them. Then put them somewhere you can look at them every day from now until the first day you ski, like in the corner of your bedroom, your cubicle at work, or next to the towel rack in your bathroom.

3. Watch some ski films
The Warren Miller tour doesn’t begin until October 17th, but you can keep your appetite at bay with some classics:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RIjAGyBjgk

4. Become an amateur meteorologist
Google the phrases “El Nino” + “ski season” and read a news or blog story about how it’s going to dump biblical amounts of snow in the mountains. Have you done that already? Try “Godzilla El Nino.” Do not read the new stories that suggest your general geographic area will be left out of the El Nino Dump of the Century. Only read the positive ones.

5. Move
If where you live is not forecasted to be affected by this year’s El Nino, pick a place that is. Move there.

6. Buy new stuff
Are you using old stuff? Stuff from last year? Get new stuff. It’s nicer, lighter, has no scratches, and looks better. If you look good, you will feel good. And maybe even ski good. In any case, researching new stuff to buy will give you something else to pass the time until ski season begins.

7. Talk to other people about where they are getting a season pass this year
By doing this, you are of course not actually skiing, but you can easily fill up an hour or more of dinner conversation by debating the pros and cons of the multitude of options available. By buying a combination pass to Resorts X, Y, and Z, you also get 4 days at Resort W, which is 1200 miles away, and Resort V, which is 600 miles away, but who knows, you might get a wild hair up your ass and book a couple plane tickets and two nights of hotel rooms just to go there, because technically, it’s free skiing. Of course, if you live far away, a season pass to Resort X is also an option, since you’ll probably take two trips out there anyway, and ski 3 days each time, and buying single-day lift tickets for those 6 days would be way more expensive than a season pass. But you also have a friend who has a friend who has a friend who works at Resort Y, and might be able to get you some sort of deal, so you need to check on that before you make any decisions. Also, did you know if you open a checking account at Bank A, you get a 7% discount on a season pass to Resort Z? Something to think about.

8. Some exercises
As opposed to everything else on this list, you could actually do some exercises to prepare specific muscle groups for skiing, instead of just drinking beer and rearranging your fantasy football team one more time. Or not.

9. Avoid driving by your favorite mountain
Under no circumstances should you go up to wherever it is you normally ski to “check things out” until it really starts snowing. This will be the most depressing thing you can do. It’s far better to sit at home and imagine it’s actually snowing up there than it is to drive up and see how things are doing, only to end up standing disappointed in the parking lot like the Griswold family when they finally arrive at Wally World to find it closed.

-Brendan

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Category: HumorSatireskiing

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10 comments

  1. Buy season pass – this is the cheapest time.

    Reorganize the “bookmarks” on your browser to group all weather and ski related links.

    Post a photo of your skis on Facebook, instead of another lame golden aspen leaf picture.

    Change your profile photo to an awesome ski shot.

    Put the microspikes in the car, just in case.

  2. 10. google the shit out January-March air fares to your favorite mountain range so the airlines’ algorithms kick in and start driving up the price for everyone.

  3. For my, as a mountain biker, living in the South of Brazil El Nino sucks!
    It’s been dumping massive amounts of RAIN. Most trails have been turned to mush…

    Go away El Nino, and don’t come back! (Sorry, I’d rather you guys not get massive amounts of snow and for me to be able to ride my bike)

  4. 1/2/4/6 & 8 done … you’re talking to the girl who lives in the south of spain who bought skis in August in 40oC + heat!!

  5. Or, buy new equipment. I think the further you live from a ski resort, the more important it is to buy new equipment to show you stand in solidarity with winter.

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