Bad Poetry About Condiments
byOne day this spring, I discovered the bottle of French’s Classic Yellow Mustard in our refrigerator had gone past its “Best By” date—long past…
HUMOR
Do You Want To Watch A Movie?
by(I made this chart as a joke, and then I thought maybe other people only want to watch three movies, ever, so I made…
Unearned Confidence Vs. Humility
byMy friend Ace and I were hiking somewhere in the Utah desert several years ago when he asked me, “Have you ever heard of…
I Have Decided On A New Goal In The Middle Of My Run And Nothing Will Stop Me
byOne day a while back, I was out on a run, thinking about nothing in particular, just enjoying moving through the world, looking at…
There’s No Way I Could Have Seen This Totally Predictable Injury Coming
by“I don’t know if it’s luck or just taking it kind of easy, but I’ve been able to run a bunch of ultramarathons without…
Shoveling Season Is Upon Us
byYooooooo we got a foot of fresh powder around here the other day, and you know what that means! Yeah, shoveling. OK, yeah, I…
What We Think About When We Think About Running
byMark Twain was not a runner, at least to my knowledge. But I think of this Mark Twain quote nearly every time I go…
The Mountain-Climbing Lobster And Other Stories
byAs you’re probably well aware, another holiday season is almost here. Every year around this time, I start getting this nagging voice in the…
How I Look Running By Myself Vs. When I Appear In Race Photos
byThanks for reading. Before you go: If you enjoyed this piece, please consider supporting my work via Patreon, which enables me to keep…
The Rut 50K: A Race Report
byHigh on the east ridge of Lone Peak, at about 10,500 feet or so, The Rut 50K started to feel like a cartoon, in…
Surely That’s The Summit Just Ahead, Right?
by—Brendan
The Old Bike-In-A-Bag Trick
byIf you’re trying to sneak stuff onto public transportation, there are certainly many ways to do it—I mean, not that I would know about…
10 Questions I Would Ask My Dog
byEvery time I talk to my mother on the phone, we do some version of the same joke. She asks about our dog, something…
The Snowball Effect Of Procrastination
byIf you JUST decided that you MUST have this in a printed format to IMMEDIATELY gift it to someone SPECIAL to hang above…
15 Useful Trail Etiquette Tips
byThe summer trail season is here, and you may or may not have questions about how to properly utilize America’s public lands. Questions like…
Surely These Notebooks Will Help Me Create Amazing Things
byPerhaps you know someone like me, a person who cannot resist buying notebooks of all sizes. I buy pocket notebooks for doodles and quick…
Outdoor Things, But By Unfamiliar Measurements
byI have a smartphone app that converts measurement units into other measurement units. Sure, you probably think that’s pretty dorky. But let me ask…
Things In Yellowstone That Can F—ing Kill You
by[I am re-posting this again this year at the beginning of the season for peak visitation in Yellowstone National Park…
Getting Up Early: An Ode, A Lament
bySome mornings, after I have been jarred out of a deep sleep far too early by my watch alarm, which is a booby trap…
17 Hill-Climbing Strategies
byThere you are, at the bottom of a hill, on foot, or on your bike, or on skis, ready to start up. But are…
“Parking Lot Laps”: A Rationale
byThanks for reading. If you enjoyed this piece…
Some Other Things I Would Like Your Help Reclaiming
byDear guy from those YouTube ads and videos: Thank you for your offer of advice and/or help and/or products to help me reclaim my…
You (Probably) Can’t Everest Mt. Everest
byMaybe you’re familiar with this thing known as “Everesting,” in which maniacs people pick a hill of a certain height and bicycle or run…
Math, Throughout The Year, According To My Life
bythis is a joke about tax season and also a joke about trying to be an adult, I guess (More stuff like this…
26 Useful Facts About Running
by1. It is OK to take breaks while running. Sometimes breaks last a few seconds, and sometimes they last a few years. 2. There…
I Hate Running
by[NOTE: To mark the publication of my new book, I Hate Running and You Can Too, on March 16th, I’m re-posting the original essay…