Hey, it’s Everest season again. In case you aren’t yet properly psyched for mountain climbing coverage, here are some more facts about the Greatest Mountain Of All Time:
1. Mt. Everest is 29,035 feet tall.
2. Mt. Everest is the most famous mountain in the world, but it wasn’t always that way. In 1920, Mt. Everest was a young unknown laborer working 14-hour shifts in a New York shirt factory when it was discovered by mountaineer George Mallory, who brought it worldwide notoriety.
3. Mountaineers who have summited Mt. Everest know that Mt. Everest prefers to be addressed “Jeff” by close friends.
4. Mt. Everest will co-star with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in a 2017 summer blockbuster buddy cop action movie set in Los Angeles.
5. Mt. Everest is more than 29,000 feet taller than NBA superstar Stephen Curry.
6. Mt. Everest doesn’t give a shit about your cinnamon dolce frappuccino pumpkin spice whatever bullshit latte thing. Can Mt. Everest just get a regular cup of coffee, for Christ’s sake?
7. Mt. Everest refused to participate in any debates leading up to the 2016 U.S. presidential election, choosing instead to remain in Asia and be the tallest mountain ever.
8. Mt. Everest would bring back both Calvin and Hobbes and Seinfeld if it could.
9. Mt. Everest has noticed you’ve done a little mountaineering on it in the past few decades. That’s cool, whatever floats your boat.
10. Mt. Everest prefers coconut oil for cooking at medium to high temperatures.
11. Mt. Everest gave Kanye West’s new album a 6.5 out of 10 rating on Pitchfork.
12. Mt. Everest is “too old to understand the point of Snapchat,” but is also a little pissed off that Instagram is changing its algorithm.
13. Mt. Everest is rumored to be close friends with Leonardo Dicaprio and has been photographed partying with Dicaprio and two dozen models on his private boat.
14. Mt. Everest is brought to you by Audible.com. Sign up for a free 30-day trial and a free audiobook while you’re waiting below the Hillary Step.
15. Mt. Everest is not necessarily allergic to gluten per se, but has recently noticed it feels much better overall when it tries to minimize gluten in its diet.
16. Mt. Everest is super into Game of Thrones right now, and yes, it knows it’s a little late to the game, but really didn’t think it would like the show and didn’t give it a chance until recently, and much to its surprise, is totally hooked on it.
17. Mt. Everest is over 60 million years old.
18. Mt. Everest knows it’s been forever since it updated its blog, but it’s been super super busy lately.
19. Mt. Everest thinks yeah it’s cool being the tallest mountain in the world and all, but had it known that would mean putting up with all these people and garbage and poop, you know, maybe being second- or third-tallest would have been just fine, thank you.