Utahlorado: An Idea For A Mega-State Of Awesomeness

Dear states of Utah and Colorado:

Hey, so you know what would be cool? If Utah and Colorado became one giant state called “Utahlorado.”

I know we’ve spent a lot of time comparing the two—who has better skiing, who has better climbing, whatever—so obviously the best way to settle it is to merge into a mega-state larger than California, with nine national parks and 40+ ski areas, adult beer for everyone, legalized marijuana, and fry sauce.

Many great things have started in Colorado, and many great things have started in Utah. Here is a non-exhaustive listing:

Utah                                                                         Colorado
Desert Solitaire                                                      The Colorado River
Commercial whitewater rafting                            Tommy Caldwell
Aron Ralston’s Speaking Career                            The 5Point Film Festival
Dawn Patrol                                                            Chipotle
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid                  The Kokopelli Trail
The Quesadilla Mobilla                                         Devotchka

Some Utahns might not be so open to things like legalized marijuana, or adult beer, but hey, how about professional baseball, football, and hockey teams, plus the Ouray Ice Park? And of course some Coloradans may not be excited about including a state with a somewhat-less-liberal political ideology in its new border, but how about we smooth that over with Zion National Park and Indian Creek? Yeah, try that hand jam. Doesn’t that feel better?

Utah has the Greatest Snow on Earth, which is something to be proud of. It doesn’t have Silverton or Wolf Creek. What if it had both? Stop thinking about things in terms of Fruita vs. Moab, or Slickrock/Porcupine Rim/Gooseberry Mesa vs. The 401/Monarch Crest. Think about all of that rolled into the recreation paradise of Utahlorado.

And think about the license plate options: Peyton Manning throwing a football through Delicate Arch? Or maybe the green mountains of Colorado’s current license plates, with “UtahloRADo” on them, celebrating the addition of the word “rad” to Utahns’ new home state? Maybe Coors could make a new tan can with Bryce Canyon on the front, or the skyline of downtown Salt Lake City? Actually, that might not go over so well. But hey, musicians covering “Rocky Mountain High” would only have to add one syllable to the chorus, which wouldn’t be so awkward. Try it once: “Rocky Mountain High, Utah-loradooooo.”

utahlorado 2

This is an opportunity to bring thousands of miles of hiking and biking trails, tens of thousands of climbing routes, thousands of ski runs, miles and miles of beautiful mountains and incredible desert terrain together inside one contiguous, but also fairly meaningless border, and maybe sell some cool new t-shirts. Think of all those hours you spend staring out your office window, wondering, “Do I like Utah or Colorado better?” Problem solved: You love Utahlorado. And what’s not to love? There’s something for everyone.

-Brendan

26 Comments

    • Utahlorado does need some type of ocean! In order to have everything, might we include smith rock!

    • Just call it Oridnvutco! It does not have to be a big part just a sliver. It could include City of Rocks too!

  • I’ll keep Colorado as my home and just visit Utah. Thanks.

    Cant wait for thanksgiving in the needles!!!!! Woot woot!!!!

  • While we’re at it, can we shift Nebraska and Iowa back and to the left to create Chicagorado (or ILLoRADo, or Colornois (“noise”))?!?! Illinois has SoILL and a crap ton of awesome and safe climbers (who often scoff at cragbeers and clip their fingers nails a whole bunch)…so maybe they can climb with the more conservative Utahians.

  • OMG GREAT IDEA!!!

    Can we also just make the eastern part of Colorado part of Kansas and Nebraska?

    And can we call it Cotah instead?

    • Over my dead body! majority of Colorado’s population lives on the great plains… I don’t want to be part of Kansas or even worse… Nebraska. That give me nightmares.

  • Just draw a line down the very edge of the of front range, then a diagonal from the Wasatch Front down to The VRG, maybe zagging a little to include Maple Canyon. THEN you’d have a badass state called Duzntsuckland. Kansas can have the eastern part of CO, then Sterling can finally dump evolution from the curriculum, and the rest of Utah can be turned into a mining and industrial wasteland, just like they want.

  • Super good idea. I have lived in both places for 16 of the past 20 years and I have heard this before, however with a caveat:
    If the western border is I-15 in SLC and the eastern border is DIA in Denver, with a bit of gerrymandering* north and south from there, you can resolve the political issues for the most part.
    Example: Give ColoSprings to Kansas and Provo and Boutiful/Kaysville to Nevada.

  • I’m from Colorado, born and raised! And have lived in Utah the past 5 years. Utah is a hidden gem!!! I want to keep it that way. So, no one move here!! k, thanks!

    • Yeah srsly guys, you don’t want to live in Utah 😉 I can vouch it totally sucks here. Everything you have heard is true.

    • I’m from Colorado and live in Utah too. Everything you’ve heard is true, horrible liquor laws, polygamists, bad air quality, terrible drivers, people wearing magic underwear. It’s awful.

  • Utah HAS a grand Canyon…kinda. San Rafael Swell contains an area called The Little Grand Canyon. Spectacular views, and NO CROWDS! 🙂

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