How To Make Chip Drink

How to Make Chip Drink title box

Last Sunday, while running on a trail through the forest, I ate what I estimate was my 1,500th Clif Blok. Or 2,000th, who knows. I do a fair amount of running and biking in situations in which on-the-go calories are useful, and Clif Bloks just work for me. They don’t blow my mind; I don’t find them so irresistible that I grab a sleeve to munch on while watching Ted Lasso; they just deliver calories, caffeine, and don’t mess with my stomach. I buy them in bulk and use them during long runs and races, and they’re fine.

Alas, I cannot live on Clif Bloks alone, so I’ve experimented with lots of other foods: burritos, pizza, cookies, stroopwafels, leftover Halloween candy handed to me by spectators during the NYC Marathon, Cheez-its, Skittles, Coke, sports drinks, and several rice ball recipes. All have their pros and cons. One food that I find myself going back to is something that takes literally seconds to prepare: chip drink. Chip drink, of course, is a colloquialism that’s been used to refer to the tiny bits of potato chips left in the bottom of the bag after all the larger chips have been eaten, which the chip eater then, obviously, tips the bag to their lips and “drinks.”

Fragments of potato chips also come in handy when one is partaking in an athletic endeavor in which efficient ingestion of calories is necessary. Could you stand off to the side of the trail or road during a race or bike ride and leisurely eat full-size potato chips, one by one? Of course you can. It just depends on your priorities. Do you want to minimize the amount of time you spend moving at 0 mph during your race, run, or ride? Then I recommend drinking potato chips, which enables you to ingest about 200 calories (depending on which chips you eat) in a matter of a few seconds. Also: electrolytes. I have prepared an overly elaborate illustrated guide to enable you to make your own chip drink at home.

You might scroll through this and say, “All you did was smash up some potato chips! I could have done that.” Well, you’re absolutely fucking correct, Internet Guy With An Opinion—you can do it, and you should.

[Full disclosure: Kettle Chips did not provide funding or product for this post and/or my chip habit, and, as far as I know, is not aware of my existence]

hand-drawn bag of potato chips with title "how to make chip drink"

 

hand-drawn bag of chips with scissors

 

hand-drawn illustration of fist smashing bag of potato chips

hand-drawn illustration of potato chip bag being rolled down

hand-drawn illustration of bag of chips and roll of duct tape

hand-drawn illustration of rolled-down bag of chips sealed with duct tape

hand-drawn illustration of potato chip bag being reopened

hand-drawn illustration of bag of chips with text: "tape top of bag together, leaving an opening on both sides"

hand-drawn illustration of bag of chips with strip of duct tape at the top

hand-drawn illustration of potato chip fragments being poured into a mouth

 

Here’s an obviously unnecessary video of the entire process, for further illustration:

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—Brendan

 

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