Here you are again: Holiday shopping season is upon us, and you’re wondering, “How will I get the perfect gift for everyone on my list, but also spend at least $35,000 on each of them?” You’re not alone. Spending money is the only way to communicate appreciation for someone, and if we don’t shower our loved ones in tens of thousands of dollars’ worth of lavish gifts each winter, there’s a solid chance they will abandon us forever. To ease your mind, we’ve curated a list that is sure to please everyone, and help you spend as much money as possible:
A Guided Climb of Mt. Everest
This holiday season, get them the mountain everyone has heard of. Mt. Everest is the most famous mountain in the world, and less of a commitment than owning a racehorse. A guided Mt. Everest climb is the perfect stocking stuffer for that adventurous loved one, or in-law who you think might enjoy going somewhere called “The Death Zone.” Only $67,000.
A Guided Climb of Mt. Vinson
Have they already climbed Everest, and want to climb another mountain, but not spend less than $40,000? Get them a guided climb of Mt. Vinson, the highest peak in Antarctica—at $42,000, it’s much cheaper than buying them a Bentley.
Send them on White Desert’s “Greatest Trip” to Antarctica
Climbing Mt. Vinson sound like too much hassle, or too much time? For a mere $210,000, they’ll be able to charter a Gulfstream private jet from Cape Town and get four hours on the ground in Antarctica with 11 of their friends and have a fancy drink before jetting back to South Africa.
An Earth Roamer XV-LTS
You’ve thought about this one before: Should you buy that special someone a $500,000 house, or a luxury expedition vehicle instead? Look, houses take a lot of paperwork. Just get them an Earth Roamer XV-LTS, the ultimate luxury expedition vehicle, so they can “explore on their own terms.” Prices start at $490,000.
A Sportsmobile
Want to get them an adventure vehicle, but don’t want to spend half a million dollars? Get them a Sportsmobile. New or used, you’ll almost certainly be able to spend $35,000 to $100,000.
A week at Chalet Zermatt
They want to ski in Zermatt, but would be a bit embarrassed to stay in the, ahem, modest accommodations where most visitors stay. So get them a week at Chalet Zermatt, a six-story, 5-bedroom property perched high in the Alps, including a wellness spa, Michelin-star gourmet chef, chalet manager and concierge, service staff, housekeeping, 24-hour chauffeured taxi, and two massages per day. Weeklong packages start at $60,000.
Yellowstone Club membership
Do they love skiing, but don’t necessarily need to own an entire mountain all to themselves? This holiday season, get them a membership to the Yellowstone Club. Membership costs $300,000 up front plus $37,500 per year, but also requires ownership of a house in the community ($2 million to $25 million).
I don’t know, something good for humanity
It probably won’t impress as many rich people, but I guess if you have all that money lying around, you could probably pay for someone’s cancer treatment in the U.S. or build a bunch of schools somewhere or something. Anyway, happy holidays.
—Brendan