Newspapers, to the greater benefit to society as a whole, have largely done away with comments. Fortunately, the Washington Post still allows them on some of the stories on its website, like its recent review of Free Solo, the new film in which Alex Honnold free solos El Capitan. People, as you might imagine, have opinions, whether they’ve seen the movie or not. Here’s what they’re worried about:
THAT WE ARE MAKING TOO BIG OF A DEAL OF THIS WHOLE THING WHERE A GUY FREE SOLOED THE LONGEST, HARDEST ROCK CLIMB EVER
“Man climbs rock. BFD.”
—DaveBMiami
THAT ALEX HONNOLD AND OTHER FREE SOLOISTS HAVE NOT BEEN PROPERLY ADVISED OF THE DANGERS OF NOT USING SAFETY GEAR FOR ROCK CLIMBING
“I’m fine with people rock climbing. I’ve done a little and admire the skill. But skipping the safety gear is just stoopid.”
—kktkktkkt
THAT WE ARE ROMANTICIZING ‘FREE CLIMBING’ SO MUCH IT WILL INSPIRE SOMEONE TO FREE SOLO SOMETHING AND THEN GET KILLED, BUT ALSO THAT THE DECEASED WILL SOMEHOW RECEIVE AN ACADEMY AWARD FOR, I DON’T KNOW, BEST DEATH OR SOMETHING
“Romanticizing free climbing is bound to kill some who try it. Maybe they’ll get an Oscar for it.”
—nehocm
THAT ALEX HONNOLD WILL ATTEMPT TO TAKE A SELFIE AND WILL FALL IN THE PROCESS, THUSLY CREATING A MESS
“Just a matter of time before he attempts a selfie and someone will have to clean up the mess.”
—Moosehead1
THAT LOTS OF OTHER PEOPLE WILL NOW BE INSPIRED TO FREE SOLO EL CAPITAN JUST LIKE ALEX HONNOLD BUT WILL PERISH TRYING
“What bothers me about this project, I’m wondering how many people will die trying to repeat his record.”
—Alanm243
THAT ONE DAY ALEX HONNOLD WILL DIE FREE SOLOING AND SOMEONE BESIDES ALEX HONNOLD WILL HAVE TO PAY FOR THE CLEANUP, WHICH IS UNLIKE ALL OTHER DEADLY ACCIDENTS, IN WHICH THE DECEASED PERSONALLY PAY IN ADVANCE FOR THE CLEANUP
“What he does is unbelievable. He’ll probably die some day from a fall if he doesn’t quit. It only takes one accident out of thousands of individual moves to end it all. … he should probably have to put down a deposit to pay for the rescue crew that will eventually have to come shovel his crushed remains into a bucket and carry him away.”
—Regularperson3627
THAT ALEX HONNOLD STILL MAY NOT HAVE FREE SOLOING ‘OUT OF HIS SYSTEM’
“Considering the skill and mental fortitude required and the consequence of even the slightest misstep, Honnold’s feat has to be one of the supreme physical achievements in history. It was also a supremely selfish thing to do. I hope he has it out of his system.”
—LHS2
THAT WE HAVE MISTAKENLY ASSIGNED THE ADJECTIVE ‘COURAGEOUS’ TO ALEX HONNOLD’S FREE SOLO OF EL CAPITAN, COURAGEOUS BEING DEFINED IN THE MERRIAM-WEBSTER DICTIONARY AS ‘MENTAL OR MORAL STRENGTH TO VENTURE, PERSEVERE, AND WITHSTAND DANGER, FEAR OR DIFFICULTY’
“It is an extraordinary feat of nerve, skill and endurance, but let’s not call this courageous. There is no courage here whatsoever.”
—dscott500
THAT YOU, SICK AND DEMENTED MOVIEGOER, WOULD PAY TO SEE A MOVIE ABOUT SOMEONE PLAYING RUSSIAN ROULETTE, WHICH IS ESSENTIALLY THE SAME AS FREE SOLOING EL CAP
“You really don’t want to encourage irresponsible behavior like this. It’s Russian Roulette. Would you go see a movie about that?”
—ERaley
THAT WE WILL NOW SEE AN INCREASE IN FREE SOLOING BY OTHER ‘IDIOTS,’ WHO WILL NO DOUBT FOOLISHLY KILL THEMSELVES BY IGNORANTLY SAUNTERING UP TO THE MOST FAMOUS BIG WALL IN THE WORLD WITHOUT A ROPE, GETTING IN A BIT OVER THEIR HEADS, AND FALLING OFF
“And now how many idiots are we going to have to hear about dying attempting ‘feats’ such as this? This is attempted suicide voyeurism at its worst.”
—BdxLuvr
THAT THE AMERICAN ALPINE CLUB’S RESCUE INSURANCE WILL NOT PROPERLY COVER ALEX HONNOLD’S NEEDS
“He is likely a member of the American Alpine Club. Membership includes rescue insurance. Not sure picking up pieces counts as “rescue” though…”
—Rod123
THAT ALEX HONNOLD WILL EVENTUALLY DIE, UNLIKE THE REST OF US WHO DO NOT FREE SOLO GIANT ROCK FACES AND ARE THUSLY IMMORTAL
“Suicidal behavior. I can’t believe his girlfriend would stick around and wait for eventual death. It will happen if he keeps doing this. It’s just a matter of time.”
—JookyMakeYouKooky
—Brendan
[Photo by National Geographic/Jimmy Chin]