Are You Addicted To Bike Porn?

It’s getting late on a weeknight as you sit in the dark in front of a glowing computer screen, watching. Glazed over, you mindlessly click click click and scroll through pages. You like to watch. A couple minutes here, a couple minutes there, usually at home, maybe sometimes at work with your office door closed, sometimes, but not too often, on your phone.

It’s kind of fantasy, but relatable. You can see yourself doing the things on the screen. You can almost feel it happening to you as it unfolds before your eyes. Then you —

“Honey, what are you doing out there?” your spouse yells from the bedroom.

“Uhh, yeah, just paying some bills online,” you stammer as you hurriedly close browser windows. “Be in in a second.”

Why are you lying? Watching movies of people riding bikes is nothing to be ashamed of, is it? No one was shy about sharing the “Where The Trail Ends” trailer on Facebook, or the video of that dude doing that huge backflip over that canyon in southern Utah. All your friends watch bike porn. Even your married friends watch bike porn.

But for real. Do you think you might have a problem? Four out of five dentists agree that a little bike porn is relatively harmless—like, for example, the amount they watch on a daily basis—but there is a limit, when bike porn begins to interfere with other aspects of your life. For example:

• Do you watch bike porn on your phone, or on your iPad while using public transit?
• When riding your bike, do you think about scenes in bike films? Or are you present in the moment?
• Have you ever turned down riding with a friend for no reason, then stayed home and watched bike movies online?
• Hypothetically, what’s more exciting to you: A day of riding in Whistler, or a day pass to the Bicycle Film Festival?
• Do you curate a music playlist for your rides, or your drive to the trailhead? Are some of the songs from your favorite bike porn films?

As with other addictions, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. You don’t have to do this publicly, or to another person. One technique is to just go out into the garage and admit it to your bike. It’s OK. Remember, it’s perfectly normal. But you need to address it. If it makes you feel better to talk about it with someone, a close friend or family member, do that.

And then, of course, you have to stop watching so much bike porn. Which will take some effort, and willpower. Don’t hang out by yourself in front of a computer late at night—find something else to do away from the computer, like checking the air pressure in your tires or lubing your chain. Try to stay off Facebook and Twitter for a full two weeks after the Red Bull Rampage. Maybe don’t look at PinkBike.com for a month or two, until you feel comfortable going back and not clicking on anything that says “Video” in the headline.

The good news is, it does get better. Day by day, you will get yourself back, the more you ride, and the less you watch bike porn. One day, you won’t miss it at all. You’ll just ride.

-Brendan