Hey, Let’s Meet Up So I Can Tell You About Myself

Hey, so great you could make it out tonight, it’s always a little strange setting these things up with that dating app, don’t you think? I’ll get us a couple beers. What do you like? I like the double-hopped IPA, I’ll just get us two of those. So do you live around here? My place is about five minutes that way, you know by that one coffee shop on 9th. Anyway, I saw you like skiing. I’m a big skier myself, well, not a big deal skier, I don’t mean that, but some friends and I rent a condo up in the mountains and I basically spend every weekend from Thanksgiving through March there. I spend most of my time in the trees and in that back bowl, on the really steep stuff, do you ever go back there? Or that set of cliffs you can see just to the left of the lift to the upper mountain, I love hucking those. My friends say I’m nuts but I feel like I have to do that kind of stuff or I get bored, you know? It’s like a spiritual thing. I had a total spiritual upheaval last year and started getting really into yoga, too. I don’t know, I go a couple times a week, and the instructor at the Tuesday-Thursday classes says I’m really good for a beginner, like I take to it very naturally or something like that, but I don’t know if she’s being honest or just hitting on me or what. I usually don’t wear a shirt so that could have something to do with it, right? Most guys in there don’t have a six-pack, I guess. Anyway, it’s been good for my skiing, and just general well-being I think. I’m getting centered. I had a total spiritual upheaval last year, dealing with a lot of issues of being present and feeling fulfilled in my job, because my job is pretty much beneath me, mentally. I didn’t graduate at the top of my class or anything, but I am way above average, intelligence-wise, so I don’t feel like I should have to jump through all the regular career hoops. I didn’t go to college to get good grades anyway. I don’t feel like I have to prove to other people that I’m smart; I mean, I took an IQ test when I was like 13 and scored way high, into the genius level. I’m not trying to brag; that’s just a fact, you know? My boss doesn’t get it at all, so I’m kind of just biding my time there until something else better comes along. I actually am planning on starting my own business that can eventually run itself so I can just travel around the world. My friend and I have this idea that’s kind of like the one that got that famous self-help guy all his money early in his career, but our concept is a slight twist on his concept and I think it will really be disruptive in the startup world. We just need to get it down on paper and start shopping it around to investors. Wow, here I go talking about work again—BORING. I was talking about skiing before. I think that same kind of mindset that I have to accomplish things at work is the mindset I take into skiing, and that’s why I do all that stuff my friends say is crazy out there, but I don’t think it’s crazy. It just seems like something I have to do, because of my personality. I mean, I really don’t care what people think of me. That’s the first thing I think people need to know about me, for sure. I’m probably talking too much, my ex-girlfriend always said I do that, haha. Like she had any room to talk. That was like the pot calling the kettle black, if you know what I mean, haha. You don’t seem like you like small talk, which I think is great—I am big on quality conversation, and I like to get right into the deeper stuff, like we’re doing. I think most women are into that. So this beer, the double-hopped stuff, I do a little brewing at home, not a big deal, but I’ve been playing around with a couple different beers over the past few months, and I don’t know if I ever want to get serious with it or anything like that, I mean it seems like there’s a new brewery on every corner nowadays, but my friends all seem to like the stuff I’ve shared with them, especially the last three or four—

Oh you have to go? Early meeting for work or something tomorrow? I forgot to ask what you do for a living. Oh you’re going now. Oh, like now now. OK. Hey, it was nice talking at you, maybe we can do this again sometime. Did I say talking at you? I meant talking to you, whoops. Talking at you would be—oh, ok, you’re out of here, uh, have a good evening then. Yeah.

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Category: HumorSatire

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11 comments

  1. This is scarily reminiscent of several of my last few first dates. But you forgot “oh–we’re not going to hook up?”

    Yay, dating!

  2. Being happily married, I am so glad . . no, wait . . Elated! that I do not have to think about the dating process.

    To all you single folks out there: You have my sympathy.

  3. “…it’s always a little strange setting these things up with that dating app, don’t you think?”

    what do you expect? nature of the beast, right?

  4. Dude, slow down! Breathe! Let her answer one of those questions before you run on to the next…

    Dating has sure changed since the last time I had to do it.

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Article by: brendan