Believe In The Magic Of The Burrito

burrito

Do you have a hard time eating at fancy restaurants where food is presented as a sort of sculpture? I do. It’s usually a small amount of incredible-tasting food, which is great and all, but it’s kind of the opposite of what I consider to be the pinnacle of 2.3 million years of the human race’s food engineering research efforts: The Mission Burrito.

Perhaps you’ve had the good fortune to experience this wonder of culinary imagination: A foil-wrapped, hand-held tortilla cylinder of varying Mexican food contents, from approximately 800 to 1,400 calories. It’s not a sculpture: Quantity of food comes first, taste comes second, presentation comes third. No need to sweat which is the salad fork or the dessert fork or the soup spoon — at birth, you were equipped with all the implements you need to consume a burrito.

There are of course many different varieties of burritos, but the Mission Burrito is the essence of its spirit — you order it, you walk away with it and shove it into your face. No plate, no fork and knife to cut it into bites. Sure, you can smother a burrito in green chili or some other sauce, but that eliminates the convenience of eating a burrito in the first place and you might as well have ordered enchiladas.

Do people ever ask you, “What’s your favorite food?” Of course they do. You say pizza, or sushi, or maybe pho, or some other dish that communicates your experience and distinguished palate, maybe even your world travels. Cool. Let me ask you this: What is your favorite food, and by “favorite food,” I mean, “What food could you eat for every meal for every day for the rest of your life?” This is a real question.

Hey, thanks to the invention of the breakfast burrito at Tia Sophia’s in Santa Fe in 1975, it is possible to eat burritos for all three meals. I call this a “Hat Trick.” I aspire to a hat trick on most days. Sometimes when I have had a burrito for breakfast, and another one for lunch, and I’m hanging out with someone and they say, Hey, you want to grab some dinner? I can hardly contain my excitement in suggesting, Ahem, we should go get burritos?

If they say yes, I try to act cool, but inside, I am like Alexsander Gamme when he found his double cheez doodles in his last food cache in Antarctica.

burrito graph

No one can really pin down the exact origin of the burrito. Even the first-ever Mission-style Burrito is disputed by two different restaurants, much like the buffalo wing and the Philly cheese steak. What is a known fact is that the burrito is superior to any other (non-donut) hand-held food.

Essentially, two watershed events made the burrito possible:

  1. Someone rolled a tortilla all the way closed around something, making the leap from taco to burrito. In evolutionary terms, this is man beginning to walk upright, or an ancestor leaving the ocean for land.
  2. Someone made a big tortilla, capable of holding 2-4 cups of food for transport.

It’s quite sad we didn’t document the first burrito, and the first Mission-style burrito in San Francisco in the ’60s. Everyone, of course, can tell you that the Earl of Sandwich more or less invented the sandwich in the 1700s, and that’s of course rad, but really, pretty elementary as far as food inventions are considered. It’s really not even in the same league as a burrito. Imagine intelligent life visited us, and you had the choice between showing them two slices of bread with something in between them, or a burrito. I mean, assuming the intelligent life form has hands to eat with. Of course, you would hand them a burrito.

-Brendan

Semi-Rad is brought to you by Outdoor Research.

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22 Comments

  1. February 21, 2013

    Damn this has made me hungry!

    Reply
  2. Aaron F
    February 21, 2013

    Hellzzzzz YES! Matador’s fish burrito all the say baby! All local produce & meat (not the fish of course) is used to make it. The perfect meal.

    Makes me sad when I have to walk past Illegal Pete’s in Boulder because others don’t want to eat there…..

    And, do we really need to mention Big City?? The classic of classics.

    IMO; go local with your burritos for the best experience.

    Reply
  3. February 21, 2013

    I take issue with your graph. It is mathematically incorrect. That should not be a line, but a ray (arrow on the end). This would indicate that there is no definitive end to the happiness one can achieve by consuming and infinite amount of burritos.

    And yes I am aware that I took the time to make this comment about math…. you’re talking about burritos it seemed way too important to just let it be.

    Reply
  4. February 21, 2013

    An ex-girlfriend once turned down an offer to go grab a burrito; emphasis on “ex”.

    Reply
  5. February 21, 2013

    I hope to god that you have at some point in your travels made it down to San Diego to experience the glory that is the California Burrito. Truly the dominant burrito species.

    Reply
  6. Lenny
    February 21, 2013

    I tend to agree with Jayson on the magnitude of happiness. I also think it would not trend linear. I would go more exponential….think of a really good breakfast burrito compared to McD and what that does for your day.

    Reply
  7. February 21, 2013

    So I also believe in the magic of the banh mi sandwich. I love that combo of flavors but it has nothing to do with the bread.

    Can I have a banh mi burrito?

    Please?

    Reply
  8. February 21, 2013

    Thank you for recognizing the almighty donut. Burritos and donuts forever.

    Reply
  9. Robert
    February 21, 2013

    You may or may not be aware of the M.O.A.B. (the mother of all burritos). It’s a rather prominent burrito in the burrito community. Check it out next time you’re in Moab, UT.

    Reply
  10. Evan
    February 22, 2013

    You aren’t born with a FULL SET OF TEETH! So really it takes at least a year or two to mature into a burrito eater. I mean you can probably get by with three or four teeth but still….

    Reply
  11. Tom G.
    February 22, 2013

    I love this blog, but I cannot abide such disrespect towards the sandwich. All of the selling points outlined above are also applicable to the sandwich:

    1. You can eat a sandwich for all three meals.
    2. Function comes first. Bread holds everything together without the need for aluminum foil.
    3. No utensils necessary.

    I am not denying the awesomeness of the burrito. I am simply speaking on behave of the sandwich, which I fear was unjustly used as a fall guy.

    P.S. great reference to Gamme.

    Reply
  12. February 23, 2013

    Nice piece Brendan! I roll hundreds of burritos every week at Zia Taqueria in Durango, and will happily buy you one if you ever roll through.

    Reply
    • Chad
      March 20, 2014

      I had one on the way to Phil’s World last time I was there. Killer burritos!!

      Reply
  13. Skip
    February 23, 2013

    D.O.G. Jackson Hole killer burritos

    Reply
  14. Chris
    February 25, 2013

    I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again…

    Tortilla = the ultimate food vessel

    Reply
  15. Pete
    February 25, 2013

    I too have been guilty of the 3 burrito day (many times) – they truly are the best way to eat just about anything without utensils. If you’re ever in Newport Beach, try out Bear Flag Fish Co. – the best fish burrito you will ever have!

    Reply
  16. March 22, 2013

    San Diego carne asada cannot be topped! In Colorado the only place that comes close is Alfonso’s, which is in a gas station in Cañon City. I always buy five after climbing so I can eat them for the next five consecutive meals. When in SD, I do the same!

    Reply
  17. Jake
    March 22, 2014

    Brendan,

    Yesterday, I achieved a truly great goal. Due to my determination and planning ahead, I was able to finally complete the hat trick. I am really proud of myself and love this blog.

    Keep up the good work!

    Cheers,
    Jake

    Reply
  18. greg petliski
    April 12, 2014

    My girl and I are in the midst of a 6-month, 23-National Park backpacking trip, and we consume at least 5 TRADITIONAL burritos a week. Thats not counting pizzaritos, breakfast ritos, etc etc.

    Reply
  19. Parker
    August 28, 2014

    That looks to be a Taco Del Sol burrito!

    Reply

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