There you are, at the bottom of a hill, on foot, or on your bike, or on skis, ready to start up. But are you really ready? Here are a few strategies you might consider:
1. Choosing More Pain For Less Time By Going Faster Over Less Pain For More Time By Going Slower
Hey, whatever floats your boat
2. Self-pity
Seems like an attractive option until you remember that you’re essentially doing this to yourself
3. Rage
Sometimes cathartic, not necessarily productive
4. Reminding Yourself To Be Present And In The Moment
See “Rage” and “Self-pity”
5. Checking Your Watch/Phone/Tracking Device To Determine How Many Vertical Feet You Have Left To Climb
Obtaining this data will very often do nothing for your progress or morale
6. Wondering If It Would Be Faster If You Were Just Walking Instead Of Pedaling Your Mountain Bike In Its Granny Gear
Sometimes this question can be answered by an instance of someone hiking past you* as you** spin your*** pedals at approximately 900 RPM
*me
**I
***my
7. Wondering If It Would Be Faster If You Were Just Walking Instead Of “Running”
(also approximately 900 RPM)
8. Using Bottled Oxygen
Seems to be more common on really big hills but could be advantageous I guess
9. Asking Someone Who Is Descending How Much Further It Is To The Top
Very hit or miss
10. Giving Up
Proven to be less effective at reaching the top of the hill, but very satisfying in the moment
11. Thinking About How Nice The Descent Will Be
Yes, even if the descent sucks or you crash or fall and sprain your ankle, it will be nicer than climbing
12. Telling Yourself The Summit View Will Be Worth It
Oh yes, the view from the summit, so extraordinary and transformative that it will wash away all the sins of the climb that preceded it
13. Putting Your Head Down And Slowly Plodding At An Even Pace Until You Reach The Top
Usually works fairly well, TBH
14. Stopping Every 20 Feet To Catch Your Breath
Yes, I think I’ll pretend I’m just stopping to enjoy the view here, even though it’s almost exactly the same view that I stopped to enjoy 20 feet below this spot, and the one 20 feet below that, and so on
15. Lying Down For Just A Few Minutes
Oh yeah, that’s really nice, might have a little cry while I’m down here before I get back up and start uphill again, or not, not at all, maybe I’ll just stay here, or make a new home here on the side of the trail, OK, I live here now
16. Promising Yourself A Reward If/When You Make It To The Top
(examples: pizza afterward, a Tesla Model X, not making yourself do another lap of the hill, finally accepting yourself for who you are with radical self-love)
17. Staying Home Instead
Also not effective at achieving any sort of literal summit, but maybe a more metaphorical summit, such as the pinnacle of self-care, or something like that
Thanks for reading.
If you enjoyed this piece or other things I’ve made over the years, please consider helping keep the lights on around here by supporting my work on Patreon.
—Brendan