One-Star Amazon.com Reviews Of Moby Dick, As Free Verse Poetry

Lots of people love Moby Dick, which has long been considered a classic of American literature and one of the best adventure books of all time. But lots of people do not love Moby Dick, too. They hate it. Hating Moby Dick, with the advent of online reviews on Amazon and Goodreads, has become its own art form. Reading the reviews is fun, but it’s even more fun if you insert some spaces and format the reviews into free verse, which I have done below for your enjoyment. (All spelling and punctuation is quoted verbatim from the original reviews).

 

Truth.

Jaws

is better

—Nicessist, July 31, 2015

 

Do not like how it is written in old English

Do not like how it is written in old English.

Was not aware of that.

Also, the print is extremely small.

Tried to read it,

but

put it down.

—Eileen, August 29, 2016

 

Weak Plot Line

This book moves very slowly.

She spent too much time

having the characters moon over each other.

It took a very long time

for each step of the plot to happen.

I finally skipped to the last chapter from about 50%.

I don’t think I missed anything.

—bjski, April 26, 2019

 

Slow and Boring Story

I could not wait to finish

this book.

The characters

were not likeable

and

I found them annoying.

This should have been a short story.

—linda, April 2, 2019

 

One Star

Small letters,

smelly pages.

—Florelis, January 3, 2018

 

Moby-dick not favorite book

I didn’t like it

because

it was

too long

of a book.

I rate it 1 star

because a lot of parts in the book I didn’t understand.

—Tess, August 12, 2019

 

Bad fish porn

Not into fish

porn

—bru, April 14, 2019

 

One Star

Author droned

on

and on

and on.

Couldn’t get past

the second chapter

—Laurie G. Williams, September 24, 2015

 

One Star

Horrible book,

never means what he says.

drives

me

INSANE.

—Amazon Customer, December 7, 2017

 

One Star

no

—S. Nyer, September 5, 2016

 

One Star

Horrible read.

Ramble, ramble and ramble.

I struggled

to finish

this book.

—Mark, May 25, 2016

 

One Star

Poor acting by lead character,

the book was fairly good,

the movie

not so.

—janice kadushin, March 5, 2016

 

One Star

very slow until

contact

with

moby dick

—john gerardi, February 20, 2015

 

I SURE HOPE YOU ENJOY LEARNING ABOUT WHALES

I SURE HOPE YOU ENJOY LEARNING ABOUT WHALES!!!!

Listen

I read this book hoping to get a pretty good story

hoping to see some of the solidarity in man

by reading about his voyages in water

hoping to relate to some of the struggles from being solely focused on obtaining a certain goal etc.

But honestly

good Lord!

I swear 85% of this book is various lessons

on whaling

the origin of whales,

whale distinction,

whale body parts,

whale sperm,

different color whales.

Oh my goodness

the book starts off quick with the appearance of Queepeg

you think ok we might have something here

but NO!

this book drags on

and on

and on

and on.

Gets off topic ALL of the time.

The majority of this book is about how Ismael feels

and about whale parts.

And when Moby Dick does show up AT THE END OF THE BOOK

Captain Ahab vs. Moby Dick was as big a mitch-match

since the Super Bowl between Denver and Seattle.

It was anti-climatic

some people might get this book

but please don’t put me down as one.

SAVE YOURSELF THE TIME AND ENERGY

READ THE OLD MAN AND THE SEA

A MUCH BETTER BOOK

—Oliver, September 27, 2014

 

One Star

tedious

—Anne Wyatt, January 18, 2016

 

One Star

Outstanding!

—Rogelio Lozano, September 7, 2017

 

Obvious he was paid by the word

I tried.

I really tried.

Multiple times.

But the page

after page

describing all the different types of whales in the most minute of detail, and the sentences that stretch so long that by the end of them I’d realize I couldn’t figure out for the life of me what point he was trying to make.

I finally decided

life is to short to torture myself with a book

I’m just not enjoying,

and I moved on.

Maybe I’ll try again in another 10 years.

—Smurf, August 24, 2018

 

One Star

The book

was fine

but

I hated the story

—Kasey Patton, April 15, 2015

 

Meh.

Taxing

as well as underwhelming.

So many unnecessary side notes,

few of which really contribute to the plot itself,

but I’m no scholar

see for yourself.

—Kindle Customer, July 19, 2019

 

One Star

boreing

—paul weaver, February 28, 2015

 

I Could Be Wrong

But reading it

feels like being trapped

in a whale’s belly

with Chuck Klosterman.

—lori c. baughman, October 9, 2018

 

boring

i had to read this book for school

it boring

dont read

why is this so famous.

cant even understand writing.

words too big i hate it not even interesting.

they just sit on a boat then get killed by a whale

stupid captian

knew they were gonna die

—Denali, August 1, 2013

 

Moby Dick

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

It just went on and on and ON!

About rubbish!

SOme old guy

with one leg

hunts down a white whale

and in the end he kills the thing,

but at the expense of his life

and lives of his whole crew,

except one guy….

It may be liked by older people,

but it really isn’t for young people.

—atg, August 20, 2011

 

Tedious

Do we really need

a 10 page analysis

of the color white,

or any of the other tedious digressions contained in this book?

I say

no.

I loved the poetic language Melville uses,

and there is no doubt

he was a great writer.

He did not,

however

have a great editor.

Getting through this book was like running a marathon,

where you are forced to stop every mile

and listen to a lecture on running,

running shoes,

knee pain,

gatorade,

or any other subject remotely related.

Finishing the marathon gives you bragging rights,

but not much more.

—vikingslayer, November 25, 2010

 

Overhyped

Moby Dick is

an overhyped,

monotonous,

pretentious,

pseudo-intellectual

piece of crap,

in other words

an English lit major’s wet dream.

It’s the absolute meaningless ramblings

of a half wit,

not some great intellectual masterpiece.

Maybe Melville was the Justin Bieber

and “Twin Peaks” of his day,

talentless and meaningless

but few will admit

they were fooled.

—Tom Adams, December 6, 2011

 

Not enough dicks

There were

no dicks

in this book.

—Ben Reser, March 21, 2015

 

More stuff like this is in my new book Bears Don’t Care About Your Problems: More Funny Shit in the Woods from Semi-Rad.com, out now.

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