Lots of people love Moby Dick, which has long been considered a classic of American literature and one of the best adventure books of all time. But lots of people do not love Moby Dick, too. They hate it. Hating Moby Dick, with the advent of online reviews on Amazon and Goodreads, has become its own art form. Reading the reviews is fun, but it’s even more fun if you insert some spaces and format the reviews into free verse, which I have done below for your enjoyment. (All spelling and punctuation is quoted verbatim from the original reviews).
Truth.
Jaws
is better
—Nicessist, July 31, 2015
Do not like how it is written in old English
Do not like how it is written in old English.
Was not aware of that.
Also, the print is extremely small.
Tried to read it,
but
put it down.
—Eileen, August 29, 2016
Weak Plot Line
This book moves very slowly.
She spent too much time
having the characters moon over each other.
It took a very long time
for each step of the plot to happen.
I finally skipped to the last chapter from about 50%.
I don’t think I missed anything.
—bjski, April 26, 2019
Slow and Boring Story
I could not wait to finish
this book.
The characters
were not likeable
and
I found them annoying.
This should have been a short story.
—linda, April 2, 2019
One Star
Small letters,
smelly pages.
—Florelis, January 3, 2018
Moby-dick not favorite book
I didn’t like it
because
it was
too long
of a book.
I rate it 1 star
because a lot of parts in the book I didn’t understand.
—Tess, August 12, 2019
Bad fish porn
Not into fish
porn
—bru, April 14, 2019
One Star
Author droned
on
and on
and on.
Couldn’t get past
the second chapter
—Laurie G. Williams, September 24, 2015
One Star
Horrible book,
never means what he says.
drives
me
INSANE.
—Amazon Customer, December 7, 2017
One Star
no
—S. Nyer, September 5, 2016
One Star
Horrible read.
Ramble, ramble and ramble.
I struggled
to finish
this book.
—Mark, May 25, 2016
One Star
Poor acting by lead character,
the book was fairly good,
the movie
not so.
—janice kadushin, March 5, 2016
One Star
very slow until
contact
with
moby dick
—john gerardi, February 20, 2015
I SURE HOPE YOU ENJOY LEARNING ABOUT WHALES
I SURE HOPE YOU ENJOY LEARNING ABOUT WHALES!!!!
Listen
I read this book hoping to get a pretty good story
hoping to see some of the solidarity in man
by reading about his voyages in water
hoping to relate to some of the struggles from being solely focused on obtaining a certain goal etc.
But honestly
good Lord!
I swear 85% of this book is various lessons
on whaling
the origin of whales,
whale distinction,
whale body parts,
whale sperm,
different color whales.
Oh my goodness
the book starts off quick with the appearance of Queepeg
you think ok we might have something here
but NO!
this book drags on
and on
and on
and on.
Gets off topic ALL of the time.
The majority of this book is about how Ismael feels
and about whale parts.
And when Moby Dick does show up AT THE END OF THE BOOK
Captain Ahab vs. Moby Dick was as big a mitch-match
since the Super Bowl between Denver and Seattle.
It was anti-climatic
some people might get this book
but please don’t put me down as one.
SAVE YOURSELF THE TIME AND ENERGY
READ THE OLD MAN AND THE SEA
A MUCH BETTER BOOK
—Oliver, September 27, 2014
One Star
tedious
—Anne Wyatt, January 18, 2016
One Star
Outstanding!
—Rogelio Lozano, September 7, 2017
Obvious he was paid by the word
I tried.
I really tried.
Multiple times.
But the page
after page
describing all the different types of whales in the most minute of detail, and the sentences that stretch so long that by the end of them I’d realize I couldn’t figure out for the life of me what point he was trying to make.
I finally decided
life is to short to torture myself with a book
I’m just not enjoying,
and I moved on.
Maybe I’ll try again in another 10 years.
—Smurf, August 24, 2018
One Star
The book
was fine
but
I hated the story
—Kasey Patton, April 15, 2015
Meh.
Taxing
as well as underwhelming.
So many unnecessary side notes,
few of which really contribute to the plot itself,
but I’m no scholar
see for yourself.
—Kindle Customer, July 19, 2019
One Star
boreing
—paul weaver, February 28, 2015
I Could Be Wrong
But reading it
feels like being trapped
in a whale’s belly
with Chuck Klosterman.
—lori c. baughman, October 9, 2018
boring
i had to read this book for school
it boring
dont read
why is this so famous.
cant even understand writing.
words too big i hate it not even interesting.
they just sit on a boat then get killed by a whale
stupid captian
knew they were gonna die
—Denali, August 1, 2013
Moby Dick
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
It just went on and on and ON!
About rubbish!
SOme old guy
with one leg
hunts down a white whale
and in the end he kills the thing,
but at the expense of his life
and lives of his whole crew,
except one guy….
It may be liked by older people,
but it really isn’t for young people.
—atg, August 20, 2011
Tedious
Do we really need
a 10 page analysis
of the color white,
or any of the other tedious digressions contained in this book?
I say
no.
I loved the poetic language Melville uses,
and there is no doubt
he was a great writer.
He did not,
however
have a great editor.
Getting through this book was like running a marathon,
where you are forced to stop every mile
and listen to a lecture on running,
running shoes,
knee pain,
gatorade,
or any other subject remotely related.
Finishing the marathon gives you bragging rights,
but not much more.
—vikingslayer, November 25, 2010
Overhyped
Moby Dick is
an overhyped,
monotonous,
pretentious,
pseudo-intellectual
piece of crap,
in other words
an English lit major’s wet dream.
It’s the absolute meaningless ramblings
of a half wit,
not some great intellectual masterpiece.
Maybe Melville was the Justin Bieber
and “Twin Peaks” of his day,
talentless and meaningless
but few will admit
they were fooled.
—Tom Adams, December 6, 2011
Not enough dicks
There were
no dicks
in this book.
—Ben Reser, March 21, 2015
More stuff like this is in my new book Bears Don’t Care About Your Problems: More Funny Shit in the Woods from Semi-Rad.com, out now.
