Well, it’s winter again, which means if you’re lucky, you’re out skiing, snowshoeing, ice climbing or doing some other fun activity, and if not, maybe you’re shoveling snow. Either way, you need some proven tactics to help your body deal with the drop in temperature, because it can get cold out there, and if you haven’t noticed, your body probably doesn’t have any sort of insulating fur. So, here are a few time-tested strategies for keeping morale high when temperatures are low.
1. Wear more jackets: That’s right, if you’re cold, increasing the number of jackets you’re wearing will help. More jackets = more warmth.
2. Wear a hat: You may have heard that you lose 90 percent of your body heat through the top of your head. So cover your head. Also, wear pants. If you are naked from the waist down, a warm hat isn’t going to do shit for you.
3. Get tougher: No doubt you have had friends advise you to imagine yourself somewhere warmer. This is bullshit and will not work. Here’s what will work: imagining a mentally tougher version of yourself and then becoming that version of yourself.
4. Hang out with someone from the upper Midwest: When it is cold in the mountains, someone from Minnesota, Wisconsin, or Michigan can tell you about a time that was much colder, and during that much colder instance, they did not cry about it—they had fun. They are not lying.
5. Tell your friends you’re not cold: Just as verbalizing your hopes, dreams, and goals will help make them a reality, so will announcing out loud that you’re not cold, even if you are visibly shivering. When you’re outside with friends, try saying things like, “What, are you guys cold? I’m fine” and see if it works.
6. Try to avoid licking cold metal objects like flagpoles: If you lick cold metal in the wintertime, there’s a good chance your tongue will stick to it and you will not be able to move until someone can pour warm water over your tongue to free it. This decreased ability to ambulate will result in a lower body temperature and put you at risk for hypothermia.
7. Yell at the weather: As spindrift and icy winds rip at your face, defiantly scream something like “Is this all you got?” Try shaking your fist at the sky while doing this.
8. Avoid putting a leaky or inadequately sealed water bottle inside your pack and allowing it to soak all your warm layers: This works every time. I mean, not soaking your extra layers works every time.
9. Stay inside: Make some hot chocolate, sit by the fire, and don’t go outside until it warms up. I mean seriously, fuck this shit, it’s cold out there.
—Brendan
