A minute into this video, I was going, “Wait, is this just 11 minutes of speedy bike descents?” and then a minute later, ”I guess I would be OK with that.” (video)
This is how you write a joke on Twitter
“Once they’re down and horizontal, which is not a natural position for them, potentially they could choke on their own saliva. Or because of their unique blood flow system, basically their brain could explode because of the high pressure of the blood going to the brain. And how do you get the tallest creature on Earth across a mile of open lake to the mainland?”
David O’Connor, president of Save Giraffes Now, quoted in this story, which tells you the answer to that question
“Pizza was the perfect food for the pandemic, but I think it’s also the perfect food for all time.”
—CEO of Domino’s, stating the obvious in this New York Times article, titled “Pizza Was the Restaurant Hero of 2020,” also stating the obvious
There are two types of people in the world: Those who are excited by a headline reading “4K Time Lapse of a Boat Navigating Dutch Canals,” and those who are not excited by a headline reading “4K Time Lapse of a Boat Navigating Dutch Canals.” This link is for those of you/us in the first group.
“I have the palate of a raccoon, so if you think I entered into this journey with anything less than genuine excitement in my heart, you would be mistaken.”
—Dan Kozuh, reviewing Cheetos Flamin’ Hot Mac ‘N Cheese for McSweeney’s
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