Everybody has a few one-liners that always crop up in their head when they’re out hiking, skiing, climbing, and/or having a good time or bad time outside. I brainstormed a few bits of this advice I’ve remembered over the years from mentors, friends, authors, plus some of my own mantras, and a few that Facebook friends sent me. Hope some of these save your ass, or at least put a smile on your face.
- Always bring a headlamp.
- The best place to keep extra batteries for your headlamp is in another headlamp (an Alaskan guide whose name I’ve forgotten)
- When you feel low, eat and eat more. When you feel good, slow down. (Vivian Doorn, advice about 100-mile races)
- Don’t buy gear, buy plane tickets (Yvon Chouinard)
- Don’t try to muscle through anything—just keep spinning (my friend Mick, on long-distance bike touring)
- Always carry a spoon. You never want to miss out on free food.
- Always take a big bowl or mug on a group trip, or go hungry.
- Ounces equal pounds, and pounds equal pain (unknown)
- Don’t get in your sleeping bag with damp socks on.
- Don’t expect a great night of sleep while camping—expect a series of naps.
- When you wake up wondering if you should get out of your sleeping bag/tent to pee or if you can get back to sleep without getting up to pee … just get up and go pee
- Check your knot (Chris Kalous)
- A helmet almost always protects your brain more than a stylish hat.
- Pain is just a feeling. (Steve Swenson)
- Geologic time includes now. (Gerry Roach)
- Sometimes eating’s not about liking. (Jayson Sime)
- Always make sure the cap is on your water bottle.
- If it hurts to walk and it hurts to run, running will hurt for less time (Brody Leven)
- Commit. (Meghan Hicks, on ultrarunning)
- If you can follow it, you can lead it.
- Sunburns are for amateurs.
- Basically you just don’t want to fall when leading ice climbs (Lee Smith)
- It’s not really a “dry suit.” It’s more like a “slowly getting damp suit.” (David Marx)
- Eventually, they all become rock skis.
- Don’t say “photos don’t do it justice.” Somebody’s photos do.
- Somebody can ride that on a hardtail.
- Only do one stupid thing at a time (Shannon Walton)
- Start cold.
- The more you know, the less you need (Yvon Chouinard)
- If you’re going to go ultra-light, make sure you have ultra-experience. (Nicole Dautel)
- The odds on very difficult climbs are not in your favor. So there’s no excuse to show up unprepared, to show up out of shape. (Kelly Cordes)
- When skiing in the trees, don’t look at the trees, look at the spaces in between.
- There are no bad adventures, just bad company. (Libby VandeKamp Littler)
- That’s the thing about goals, they don’t just fuckin lie down for you. (Jayson Sime)
- There’s really no such thing as a self-arrest once you get going on a steep slope—you really have to stick the landing if you fall. (Lee Smith)
- Never stand when you can sit. Never sit when you can lie down. (The first rule of mountaineering)
- Going one mile an hour with zero breaks is faster than going two miles an hour and stopping to catch your breath every five minutes.
- Most tents are no good without the poles.
- Don’t plan on it not raining.
- There are two easy ways to die in the desert—thirst and drowning. (Craig Childs)
- Learn how to fix a flat tire and always carry a spare tube.
- Breathe.
- It’s easier to stay out than get out. (Mark Twain)
- You’ll be fine. (Alex Honnold/anyone who’s ever sandbagged a friend)
- Pick your partners first, then the objective (Penn Newhard)
- Ideal circumstances rarely make for interesting stories. (Scott Nowacki)
- If you wouldn’t ski it withOUT your avy beacon, you still shouldn’t ski it WITH your avy beacon. (Peter Wadsworth)
- If you always eat your best food first, you’ll always be eating your best food. (unknown NOLS instructor)
- Never judge the weather from your sleeping bag. (Phil Powers)
- Go average, go often. (Reid Pitman)
- If there is a solution to the problem, why worry? If there is no solution, why worry? (Bill Thompson)
- Wear a hat. (my mom)
—Brendan
More stories like this in my new book, Bears Don’t Care About Your Problems, out now.
