Pooping In The Outdoors: A Flow Chart

Everyone poops. What to do with it in the out-of-doors can sometimes be confusing. Thanks to this hastily-scrawled, handy flow chart, you can now know what to do when you’re out on the trail.

poopchart101


-Brendan

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Category: backpackingcampingchartsClimbingflow chartsHikingHow-toHumorMountaineering

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44 comments

  1. This may be the best post of all time. I can now turn off the internet a happy man. Poop, a bear, Mount Rainier, and Alex Honnold–all bases covered.
    Thank you.

    1. Pack it out. If you’re backcountry travel skills are good enough to get you into a slot canyon then implement ethics that will keep the area pristine and free of fecal microorganisms that may negatively impact the slot canyon environment and possibly make other travelers sick. Plus it’s gross..where’s the shit gonna go? Leave No Trace and go prepared. Check out uline, biffy bag, restop or cleanwaste products.

  2. Mt. Shasta might be the most involved mountain dump; you are given a paper bullseye for target practice then get to deposit the evidence of your aiming skills in a waxy paper bag filled with gravel to carry with you. The bag doesn’t really seal well and the likelihood of it ripping open is high. Awesome.

    1. You’ve got to love the Shasta bulls eye target, though! Miss that and the kitty litter on other mountains! I took a couple extras and used them for gag ‘white elephant’ gifts!

  3. What if -> you’re human -> its winter time -> its still dark out -> anything outside of the plowed parking lot is 4 ft deep of snow -> you MUST deposit before the climb -> fuck it -> go right next to your buddies car for everyone to smell :-) Shit happens mang!

  4. Awesome. True. But completely ignores pooping at the crag or boulderfield. If the answer to either of those locations is yes, you need to poop in a WAG Bag or equivalent and carry it out to the nearest trash can. You can also put your dog’s poop in the same bag.

    I’m tired of seeing shit at the crags.

  5. Yeah…dog poop in a bag is great….need flow chart reminder that even if plastic bag is labeled as “biodegradable” you can’t throw the poop bomb to hook on a tree branch or to explode on impact. Nope, can’t toss the bag into a snowbank either…. Carry the bag out!

  6. Yeah…dog poop in a bag is great….need flow chart reminder that even if plastic bag is labeled as “biodegradable” you can’t throw the poop bomb to hook on a tree branch or to explode on impact. Nope, can’t toss the bag into a snowbank either…. Carry the bag out!

  7. BrendanLeonard,

    Firstly – this is rad. Secondly, we have a mutual friend in common – actually, she got me hooked to your site…Jayme Moye. Thirdly – do we have permissions to post your napkin drawing if we give all permissions to you/this site? too informative not to share. I almost want to print it ON a napkin and carry it with me on hikes.

    kaymills

  8. Crossing a glacier in Switzerland I was annoyed by the amount of poop to be seen… and then the inevitable happened, I had to go.

    No bag to carry it out in. What to do?

    1) find crevasse
    2) build solid anchor
    3) Lower ass into crevasse
    4) Drop trow
    5) Try to relax; two ice screws and a dead-man, you’ll be fine…
    6) Wipe with snow (COLD!)
    7) Put trousers back into correct place
    8) Pull back up the rope

    Most exciting poo I’ve ever had.

  9. Hmmm maybe you should elaborate on the grave bit… currently it’s open. And you forgot the “add some dirt then stir with a stick to aid rapid decomposition and make it less appealing for things that dig up poop”

  10. Brilliant :)

    When I started taken my wife on multi day camping trips it was pooping outside that seemed to worry her the most. I,m pretty sure she waited way too long the first time and adopted the horse method, mostly through lack of time for preparation.

  11. Seeing this, I am quite certain we are soul mates, not only because I will talk openly about poop, but also because I plan on naming my first born son Bear.

  12. Are you a bear. – Yes. – AWESOME.
    I just ran into this post and couldn’t stop laughing. This is arguably the best flow chart of all time! I really enjoy reading all your posts, they are great! Best regards from Germany, Lukas

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Article by: brendan