5 Ways To Procrastinate Fall By Extending Summer

The temperatures are slowly dropping, the leaves on the trees are starting to turn golden, and fall is beginning its pumpkin-spice-scented squeeze on the hours of sunlight each day. This, lamentably, means the end of summer is coming. Skiers and football fans are stoked, yes, but everyone can agree on a certain amount of sadness as we bid adieu to sandals, dresses, barbecues, and doing everything outside, from rock climbing to falling asleep in the sun in a lawn chair with a book on our lap. Here are a couple of ideas to help you make the most of those last fleeting days of warm-ish weather.

1. Fall is a great time to call in sick to go climbing or mountain biking. Think about it: you have less than 90 days remaining to use up all those sick days, and it’s getting dark earlier, so you can’t squeeze in a ride between 5 p.m. and dusk as easily. Tip: Call in with “a gastrointestinal illness, maybe food poisoning.” No one likes to ask questions about that kind of stuff, especially if you say things like “coming out both ends.” Then when you’re out mountain biking or climbing, stop a few times and exclaim, “This is way better than sitting in front of a computer answering a bunch of bullshit e-mails!” For twice the fun, convince a friend to get “diarrhea” too!

2. Have you ever drunk a whole shitload of coffee and took off on a bike ride to absolutely nowhere for an hour or so? Try it sometime. Enough caffeine makes everything feel even faster. It’s even more fun at night.

3. It is entirely possible that you did not do enough driving around in your car with the windows down while listening to music at an obnoxious volume this summer. If so, or even if you did, take a lunch hour or two this week and run some errands (or not) and get it out of your system. If you did not like any of this year’s summer anthems, feel free to go back as far as you want and pick a summer anthem from another year. Other drivers are going to look at you funny whether you’re listening to Iggy Azalea or Kool & The Gang.

4. Drink a beer somewhere you can see the sun setting. This is not very complicated. I do not live where you live, but the sun sets where you live, and you are probably smart enough to find a place to see it do its thing. If you don’t like beer, you can drink kombucha or Sunny Delight or whatever. The sunset is the important part.

5. Go camping. Suckers believe that camping season starts on Memorial Day weekend and ends on Labor Day, but they’re incorrect—those are actually the starting and ending dates of white-shoe-wearing season for people who own white shoes. There are a few more weekends left of being able to stare into a fire like a caveman and sleep under the stars. Just take a puffy jacket and an extra blanket.

-Brendan

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