Hey, are you getting the Super Mega Mountain Ultimate Combo Pack Pass this year, or what? I know it’s already September, but I haven’t decided quite yet.
It’s a tough call, as you probably know. I haven’t decided between the Super Mega Mountain Ultimate Combo Pack Pass and the other one, the Ultra Total Peaks Super Multi Pass. I know, it seems like a no-brainer, with the Super Mega Pass giving you access to three resorts plus four days each at the other three resorts, plus 1.5 days each at six resorts in four states that are only a $250 flight way if you go on a Tuesday, for only $899. But I did that last year and I was unable to take advantage of those extra 1.5 days at the other six resorts in four states that don’t border my home state.
Plus I just started seeing this person I met on Tinder and they’re really into the Ultra Total Pass, which in contrast to the Super Mega Pass, is only $649, and gives you unlimited access to the three resorts slightly closer to where I live (less than two hours if you leave at 6 a.m. on Saturday and don’t stop to pee on the way up there), plus three days at that other super-chill place that’s only 45 minutes away and is kind of cool for a few days of skiing but I would never buy a season pass there. Because if the dating gets any more serious, it’s going to be super awkward if ski season starts and I have a Super Mega Pass and they have an Ultra Total Pass. I mean, how are we supposed to grow a relationship if we can’t ski on the same mountains the whole season? We might as well just say goodbye on Nov. 15 and pick it back up on April 1, because I’m sure as shit not paying full-price for lift tickets at those places. That’s like $90 a day, plus parking.
My buddy says he has a friend who’s like some sort of mathematician who went to MIT but dropped out, and he apparently designed an algorithm that will decide which ski pass is the most bang for your buck. I don’t know how it works, but the guy says the Ultra Total Pass is the way to go. But there’s no way the guy could factor in which has the best terrain, because—and I know this is personal preference—I really think after about four or five weekends of skiing at all three mountains covered under the Ultra Total Pass, I’m pretty much bored. There isn’t enough tree skiing, except at that one place, and the other two mountains don’t have enough steep stuff. But I think the traffic is worse if you’re trying to ski weekends and you go to the Super Mega Pass mountains. Oh, you disagree? Yeah, it’s kind of a tossup, isn’t it.
Anyway, who knows if that MIT dropout guy doesn’t work for one of the big ski corporations anyway? I mean who the hell designs these ski pass deals, right? It HAS to be some MIT mathematician, doesn’t it? Shit is so complicated. It’s almost as confusing as trying to decide which paper towels are the best for your money, or which health insurance plan to get.
So I’m leaning toward the Super Mega Pass, I think. Mostly because I have been reading long-range weather forecasts, and a higher fraction of the Super Mega Pass resorts are supposed to be hit more with storms coming from some sort of jet stream or La Nina/El Nino/La Abuelita pattern or something like that. But I have another date tonight with that person who has the Ultra Total Pass, so if it goes well, everything could change by tomorrow morning.
What are you going to do? Oh, you’re selling all your shit and moving to Jackson or Telluride in October? Yeah, that’s probably less confusing. Well, have fun. I gotta put some more work into these Pros and Cons of the Super Mega Mountain Ultimate Combo Pack Pass and Ultra Total Peaks Super Multi Pass lists before my date tonight. Maybe I’ll see you out there this winter. Or not.