Fact: Shirts are for suckers. They’re heavy, hot, and if you wear one when you’re rock climbing, the ladies (or dudes, as it were) can’t see your back muscles when you’re sending your project.
Well hey, not announced at the 2013 Outdoor Retailer Winter Market is a revolutionary new piece of climbing outerwear:
It’s INVISICOOL, a revolutionary new invisible new game-changing fabric that’s new and revolutionary: It’s invisible. It’s nearly weightless, at less than one ounce (Men’s Large). It uses your body’s sweat to cool, your body. As you sweat, sweat coats your skin. When sweat evaporates, it cools. That’s where INVISICOOL fabric comes in: It doesn’t do anything to your sweat, enabling it to cool, your body.
The proper spelling of INVISICOOL is “INVISICOOL,” in all capital letters. INVISICOOL blocks 0% of incoming UVA and UVB rays.
INVISICOOL shirts are now available in short-sleeve ($29.95), long-sleeve ($34.95), tank top (women’s only, $29.95) and turtleneck ($39.95). A dickie will be introduced in fall 2013.
INVISICOOL shirts were designed for hard sport climbing and bouldering, when extra ounces — and appearing shirtless — really matter. But that’s not all. INVISICOOL aren’t just for the crag or the gym. You can wear them anywhere being half-naked is appropriate, for any activity:
- Cycling
- Going to the beach
- Going to the nude beach
- Shirts vs. Skins recreational basketball games
- Mowing your lawn
- Yelling at arresting officers when you’re drunk in your front yard
- AND MORE!
BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE CHECK OUT THESE TESTIMONIALS FROM JUST A FEW OF OUR DOZENS MILLIONS OF SATISFIED CUSTOMERS
“I never crush boulders in anything but my INVISCOOL shirts.”
-Steve Denny, Ragged Mountain Sports, Carbondale, Colo.
“Can you execute a completely superfluous heel hook on toprope while wearing something other than an INVISICOOL tank top? Maybe, but why would you?”
-Amanda Villeme
“Actually, I call it my ‘Man Catcher Tank Top,’ thanks very much.”
-Hillary Nitschke
“I’ve actually been working on a prototype of invisible climbing shirts since the late 1970s. Congratulations, INVISICOOL, for making it happen!”
-Malcolm Daly, founder of Trango, founding member of The Access Fund
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, CALL NOW
-Brendan
Semi-Rad is brought to you by Outdoor Research.
Another reason to buy a Semi-Rad T-shirt.
I’ve read that wearing any shirt other than INVISICOOL adds a full letter grade to whatever climb you are on.
Can you get the INVISICOOL shirt with the Semi-Rad Logo embroidered on it? I’ll order two.
My old INVISICOOL pants have started to wear a hole in the knee as well; any new INVISICOOL syle pants coming to market soon? Or atleast some photos of climbers wearing the new pants, possibly doing a “superfluous heel hook” in them?
I’ll take TWO!
I’ve been wearing INVISICOOL pants all week and I didn’t even know it!
I see what you did there…..
I’m actually looking for a (visible) long sleeve shirt that is not warm so people stop asking me if I’m cold when hiking in the winter in a tshirt. Maybe I’ll start telling them I’m wearing an invisible jacket.
I’d like to order 4 shirts. I assume I’ll just have to trust that you’ve actually put them in the box. How do I know front from back? If I put it on backwards, will have a bellybutton on my back?
I wish that mesh shirts would come back in style.
This will go great with my new prana beanie.
Semi. Rad.
Love this post! Keep ‘em comming.
As long as it comes in blue i’m buying one!
The heel hook shot makes me smile. Quarter-rad?
You need to add a line of insulated Invisicool shirts and jackets for all those rad boulderers who insist on showing off their ripped back muscles even though it’s 10 degrees out.
I have a whole closet full of these. They are the best!
I’m holding off for the INVISIWARM belay parka so I can look totally BA in all of my mountaineering photos.
Does it come in Gore-tex?
Besides, I don’t wear anything without a Patagonia, Arc’teryx, or Mammut label on it…
I am SURE that tattos of these labels would enhance your status when wearing the Invisitherm shirts.
[...] So what about the competition circuit? Should there be a stricter dress code? For now, we vote to let the reign of the booty shorts continue. Volleyball players do it. Surfers do it. Climbers should climb in what they feel most comfortable in, and until we see competitors in jock straps and pasties, we’re all for a little self-expression. And who knows, maybe everyone’s just testing outINVISICOOL. [...]